Guess I won't be homeless after all... :)

Ben and I officially decided to walk away from the house we were planning to renovate. The shenanigans were no longer worth it. So the desperate search for a home to move into by the end of June began...every time we liked a house enough to place an offer, it was gone in 24-48 hours. Things started to look bleak this past week. Then came a house not even a mile from here. I saw the listing go up a few weeks ago, but didn't even entertain the possibility of going to see it because it was out of our price range. But when our realtor contacted us to go, I didn't say no...and I'm so glad I didn't. We offered our best and when they came back with a counter, we refused to budge. It was hard, but we knew if the Lord intended for us to have that home, He would make a way. They ended up accepting!!! It's on almost half an acre in a quiet little subdivision, a corner lot on a cul-de-sac. It's exactly the place I envision starting a family. Can't wait to close June 30th and start making it our home!!!

I should be writing my grad paper that's due in t-47 hours and counting. Honestly, the only time I really log on to Blogger is when I have my laptop and I'm procrastinating. It's usually late, hubs is in bed, and I have time to peruse the Internet at my leisure with no one to tell me that I should be sleeping ;) Who cares if I have physical therapy at 7:45 in the morning? And work tomorrow evening? And still have to write my grad paper before all that happens? Ha. Night shift has prepared me well for little sleep...and a totally whacked out sleeping schedule, but that's beside the point.

So you know that last post about not having a house? We got an accepted offer on a bank-owned home here in Carmel a week later. The thing is, we still haven't closed. It's been pushed back twice now with no end in sight, so Ben and I have started looking elsewhere. We've found a few homes we like and are going to see one later today (We looked at four on Saturday!). We have to make a decision within the next few days if we don't want to be homeless at the end of June!!! So big prayers for that. Otherwise I'm sure we have a few friends that might let us borrow a bedroom for a week or so :)

SUMMER IS HERE! I couldn't be happier. I got in my swimsuit for the first time this year and let the sun give me a little burn :) I had to read for school, but it was glorious because I got to do it by the pool. Anything in life is better in the sunshine by the pool. It really is amazing how much better my mood gets when it's warm outside. If it weren't for my family, I'd be long gone from Indiana by now!

"I don't know what You're doing, but I know who You are" continues to be fitting. I love people. I love when I get to be a part of their lives, to walk beside them through all of life's circumstances. But as much joy as it can bring, walking with people can be painful too. I'm so thankful God designed us to be in community though, to carry one another's burdens. I grow so much and get to praise God for answered prayers more often. It doesn't seem fair many times, what people have to go through, but I'm thankful that I know who He is and can trust Him.

"I don't know what You're doing, but I know who You are."

Is it acceptable to blog after not writing for a few years? I honestly thought about starting a new one, but my absenteeism from blogging is a result of my life: busy! For a while I just couldn't write anymore because everything was sad. But thankfully, everything is not so sad anymore and my life is just SO full.

 

Grad school, new job...every day off in the past month has had something assigned to it: babysit Lainey, volunteer at church, take my mom to surgery, baby shower, life group, etc. etc. etc. I'm ready for things to start slowing dooooooowwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnn. Even before leaving to go to the Pacers game on our recent date night, it felt like a chore because I was thinking in my head, "My one free evening to just sit on the couch and do nothing!!!" I am so glad we went and we had a great time, but as I was getting ready, I was not enthused. They're all great things, I'm just wearing down. Even right now I should be scrambling to finish my grad school assignment for tomorrow, but I just can't do it. I want to sit here on the couch and blog and watch Bones on Netflix. I am officially unmotivated.

 

Life at 27 seems complicated at times. I find myself comparing my life to where I think I should be at this point and I come up disappointed. I don't have a house or a baby. Yep, that's basically it. Everyone around me has a house and a baby and it makes me feel like I should have one too. I mean, I definitely want a house and a baby, but lately I've had to show myself some grace and realize that everyone moves at different speeds...that my life is in the Lord's hands and His timing is perfect. I find myself saying, "I don't know what You're doing, but I know who You are." Recognizing His sovereignty in my life has given me a lot of freedom. I don't have to have it figured out, I don't have to live by others' expectations for me or even what I think their expectations might be. God is working and I am growing and that is the measure of a good life.

Indiana: Home Sweet Home

We made it!!! :) Despite the 103 degree temps and lots of aching muscles, our moving truck finally made it to Indiana at the beginning of September. LOTS going on, LOTS of stuff in storage, LOTS of new (but wonderful) changes, and already LOTS of time spent with wonderful people we have so dearly missed. Indiana, I love you!!! (I'm not so fond of your 50 degree temps lately however--looks I arrived just in time for fall!)

I started my new job at Methodist on Monday and it's been a loooong week of meetings, exams, validations, etc. Boo. Can't wait to start on my unit and take care of some really sick trauma patients! Although I know the road will be challenging, I think I (and God) am up for it! During my short career, I have looked up to so many experienced nurses that I think are just incredible. I know my new position is going to refine me and mold me into one of those nurses I look up to! Can't wait.

Heading to C'ville's homecoming tonight...Should be interesting. Sometimes when I go home to Crawfordsville, I duck behind aisles in the grocery store or pretend I don't see people I know. (Terrible, I know). It's painful to make awkward, small talk a lot. Other times, I look forward to going somewhere I know I will recognize people. I've missed that at times while being in Kentucky...So, we'll see what kind of mood I'm in tonight :) I'll probably end of having the same conversation over and over 100 times. Ha.

I'm planning on enjoying the weekend (off 'til Monday!) and I hope you do too! Ciao!

exciting/new/unexpected life things! :)

soooo, it's been a while. but isn't that how i start off every post? ha. i'm really not made for this whole blogging thing and between being crazy busy at work and being too cheap to pay for internet at home...it's a bad combination. BUT, there are a few noteworthy things going on in our lives i want to record, even if it's only for me later.

1. ben's health is still a big issue, still a big source of stress and frustration, but we've been paying out of pocket to see doctors in indianapolis because UK has been less than wonderful. it's proving to be a good experience and i'm told that within the next year or so, i should have my incredible, loving husband back to sound health. PTL for that!
2. ben and i have been (at the advice of my pastor's wife) praying together twice a day everyday. that may not seem like much, but take into account the hardship we've been through and how it took a huge toll on us spiritually both as individuals and a couple, and i'd say we're making good progress. it's amazing how prayer can dissipate your anger and bitterness and turn it into love and compassion for one another.
3. because of ben's debilitating illness, he was unable to finish his semester at asbury. we've decided some time off is a good thing and he won't be returning to asbury when and if he decides to resume his studies.
4. because of point #3, we have nothing holding us in kentucky. family support and being surrounded by friends is always the better option...so we're moving back to indiana!!!
5. we recently put a deposit down on an apartment in carmel and we're to move in in september! :)
6. i'm still applying for jobs, but today while i was sleeping (i worked last night and am currently working), a recruiter from IU Health called and wants to set up an interview. it is a complete answer to prayer because they have over 20,000 applicants/month and i was told it might be 30 days before they even process my application. it's been 12! yay!

so, that's ben  and stacey news, but we also recently spent time in indiana hanging out with my family, celebrating my sister's bday, celebrating my fil's bday, etc. it was a great time of relaxation and lots of laughter. i still have the most amazing niece and nephew and incredible dog in the whole world. ha.

tonight i am counting my blessings and prasising the Lord for giving me the strength to endure these last 12 months...it is by Him alone that i even take my next breath and it is from Him alone that we beg for mercy and grace each and every day. all glory and honor to You, Father.

do not fear.

i wish i had the cure for worry. i've slept approximately 6 hours in the last 48 and here i am wide awake with so much on my mind. i hate to be vague (and my last post was uncharacteristically transparent), but it just makes me cringe sometimes when i read things on facebook, etc. that are better left to yourself. i wish i had better news to report since i wrote that post on february 9th, but the truth is things have only gotten harder. for the last few weeks i thought things were looking up... it was as if i could feel the prayers being lifted on ben and i's behalf and i had hope for the first time in months. but for some reason this past week, we took 1 step forward and 10 back. i think i posted back in december about ben's health issues and wishing we had answers...there are still no answers and we are becoming desperate both as individuals and as a couple. 

i wish that i could post something really happy and uplifting like the blogs of those i read. i would love to post about something crafty i'm doing or about the really fun weekend we had or even about the new, great recipe we tried. but the truth is, our life has become debilitated by what's going on and i have nothing but piles of laundry, dishes, and layers of dust building up in my house and this blog to share my feelings with. not exactly the greatest writing material. those things just haven't been the priority. oh, and if you're reading this and wondering where your wedding thank-you is...most have been written since october, but that too has just not been the priority. it's amazing the things that don't seem important anymore...hence the reason i haven't had a shower in three days. ha.

i was reading lamentations 3 to ben last night before he fell asleep and i just couldn't help but feel like i might have written it myself. the writer feels abandoned, alone, like his prayers are not being heard...but deep down inside somewhere, recognizes God's goodness and he hopes again. i just want to be able to hope again...to not be afraid to pray for blessing and only be met with disappointment and heartache. i'll leave you with some of the verses that resonate with me, but if you're reading this and you're a praying person, please pray. we're in the middle of the fire. (and i'm pretty sure i just became that post that makes me cringe sometimes. oh well. life is messy.)

lam. 3 

 ⁷ He has walled me in, and I cannot escape.
      He has bound me in heavy chains.
 ⁸ And though I cry and shout,
      he has shut out my prayers.

¹¹ He has dragged me off the path and torn me in pieces,
      leaving me helpless and devastated.

 ¹⁵ He has filled me with bitterness
      and given me a bitter cup of sorrow to drink.

  ¹⁷ Peace has been stripped away,
      and I have forgotten what prosperity is.
 ¹⁸ I cry out, “My splendor is gone!
      Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost!”

 ¹⁹ The thought of my suffering and homelessness
      is bitter beyond words.
 ²⁰ I will never forget this awful time,
      as I grieve over my loss.
 ²¹ Yet I still dare to hope
      when I remember this:

 ²² The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
      His mercies never cease.
 ²³ Great is his faithfulness;
      his mercies begin afresh each morning.
 ²⁴ I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
      therefore, I will hope in him!”

 ²⁵ The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
      to those who search for him.
 ²⁶ So it is good to wait quietly
      for salvation from the Lord.

 ³¹ For no one is abandoned
      by the Lord forever.
 ³² Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
      because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
 ³³ For he does not enjoy hurting people
      or causing them sorrow.

⁵⁵ ...I called on your name, Lord,
      from deep within the pit.
 ⁵⁶ You heard me when I cried, “Listen to my pleading!
      Hear my cry for help!”
 ⁵⁷ Yes, you came when I called;
      you told me, “Do not fear.”

it's okay to just be sad sometimes, right? because today i'm sad. just so, so sad. i've been sad most days in recent months it seems...and it's getting harder and harder to truly believe that God sees my situation and cares. but i know that i know that i know that God is good, that He is faithful, that He has seen me through a lot of tough situations in life. sometimes i lay in bed at night and wonder if everything difficult i went through growing up was preparation for this most difficult time. had i not been made strong, not learned to believe that there is light at the end of tunnels, i'm sure i would have broken down long before now. but God, here i am in my brokenness...i'm wholly surrendered to You. please see me through my darkest hour and help me know You are near. give me strength because i have none and help me to believe that You are enough. i want for You to be enough.