it's been awhile...and a lot has changed. to be fair, silly blogspot wouldn't let me log in for about a month so we'll blame it partly on that. otherwise, i just haven't had the time-- or made it. last time i checked in, i was anticipating finals. now that seems like a million years ago. i finished another semester, had christmas, took a 12-day trip to florida with my family, celebrated another new year, started my last semester, and got a boyfriend since then. ha. i know that i do practically everything on that list every year around this time, but i surprised you with the boyfriend part. it surprised me too. but it's been the best surprise i've had in a long time.

i've had some not so good surprises these last few months as well: johnson (my thatta from india) is not doing well and i also discovered i probably will not be able to travel back there as i'd hoped this summer. ugh. johnson's health has been a rollercoaster the last month and it has certainly done a few loops with my emotions as well. today, after a depressing update, i cried through chapel and then again in critical care class. i just don't know what to do anymore or even how to pray (which is convenient considering i asked jess and liz to get together tonight to interceded on his behalf). at one point along this rollercoaster, i was really okay with the Lord calling him home. johnson has been so faithful and as one email stated it, he's "ready to see his Creator." i suppose i can celebrate for him when i consider that aspect. but then he started to get better...and i got my hopes up. another turn for the worse, another time of getting better, another turn for the worse, another time of getting better, etc. etc. etc. at this point, i just want him to get well and stay well! liz and jess might possibly be heading back there this summer and i have a big hug that i need them to give him. during worship in chapel today, i felt as if everyone else just faded away. it was just me and the Lord meeting and with my most earnest cries, i begged Him to save johnson. i know He heard my prayers...He always does. if i learned anything in india, it is that. but i felt like i heard God tell me what He so often does: "entrust him to My care, beloved. i love him far more than you ever could. he has been a good and faithful servant and i desire to bless him not only in this life, but the next. relinquish this hold and desperation, for this life is a mere glimpse of the goodness i have planned for eternity. celebrate and be joyful...johnson will be with me." how do you argue with the Creator of the universe, the all-powerful and holy God? you don't. so, i stopped my crying and begging and simply prayed for His will to be done. even if i don't like it, i can obediently say Thy will be done, Father.

in other news, i applied for the nurse residency program at vanderbilt medical center this past week. ah! it was the first real step i took toward anything relating to life post-graduation. this is not a small thing, people, as i have been avoiding it like the plague. i realized after i mailed the application that i hadn't even told my parents i was doing it though-- oops. it shouldn't come as a surprise to them; they've always known i wanted to get away from indiana. it's just that no one in my family actually thinks i'll go through with it. and maybe i won't. i have no idea. i just know that i'm praying for God to open doors and lead me where He sees fit. wherever the gifts and abilities He's given me can be used to glorify Him best, that's where i want to be. i'm open and flexible and uh, somewhat ready. ha. i figure i've got a lifetime to find the right fit-- i'll get it eventually. so in the meantime, i'm going to start applying other places and see where it goes. otherwise come april 25th, i'm outta luck. there's no more delaying...

let's see...florida with the family was fun. but long. i was there for 12 days because mom, dad, and i flew down on christmas eve in order to spend christmas with julie and pete. we met the rice's on the 27th, stayed with them for a week, and then headed back to pete's to wait for our monday flight out. by that time, i was about four days overdue and ready to come home. i will admit that most of it was because i missed ben, but more than ever before, i realized on that trip that i am a total introvert. i know i'm completely chatty and enjoy people immensely, but i am dragging pretty terribly if i don't have any alone time. with 18 other members of your family running around all week, there is no such thing as alone time. that part was hard, but after two and a half hours wandering around an outlet mall by myself one evening, i was much much better. julie's car and gps are exactly what i needed. ha. i would never trade the memories i gained that vaca though...mostly my time with grandpa and grandma really. they are two incredible people and i am blessed to know them. they love me so well.

this semester has been an interesting one so far...probably because so many of my relationships have changed. everyone is really involved in their major classes and with the stress of life in general. it's a hard semester because anyone that doesn't know what they're doing in may is now freaking out. i hear it every single day and it reverberates deep within me too. besides that though, i've been trying to balance homework, friends, ben, and sleep. ha. it's been harder than i anticipated, especially considering i enjoy spending most of my time with ben. after a few weeks away though, i'm beginning to see how important my girls are to me. not sure i could do a whole lot of life without them for very long. our relationship is still new and i hate to have to justify it, but it's important for us to be spending time together right now trying to decipher if this is legit or not. if the Lord leads us away from each other after graduation, we're going to need a foundation that seemingly endless nights over the telephone can rest firmly upon. i don't regret being with him so much, i just wish i had more time in the day. ha. still, it'll all work out and i'll get in a routine... :)

i think i hear jess and liz so i'm going, but if you're reading, please be praying for johnson...and the Lord's will to be done. until next time...

stace