Indiana: Home Sweet Home

We made it!!! :) Despite the 103 degree temps and lots of aching muscles, our moving truck finally made it to Indiana at the beginning of September. LOTS going on, LOTS of stuff in storage, LOTS of new (but wonderful) changes, and already LOTS of time spent with wonderful people we have so dearly missed. Indiana, I love you!!! (I'm not so fond of your 50 degree temps lately however--looks I arrived just in time for fall!)

I started my new job at Methodist on Monday and it's been a loooong week of meetings, exams, validations, etc. Boo. Can't wait to start on my unit and take care of some really sick trauma patients! Although I know the road will be challenging, I think I (and God) am up for it! During my short career, I have looked up to so many experienced nurses that I think are just incredible. I know my new position is going to refine me and mold me into one of those nurses I look up to! Can't wait.

Heading to C'ville's homecoming tonight...Should be interesting. Sometimes when I go home to Crawfordsville, I duck behind aisles in the grocery store or pretend I don't see people I know. (Terrible, I know). It's painful to make awkward, small talk a lot. Other times, I look forward to going somewhere I know I will recognize people. I've missed that at times while being in Kentucky...So, we'll see what kind of mood I'm in tonight :) I'll probably end of having the same conversation over and over 100 times. Ha.

I'm planning on enjoying the weekend (off 'til Monday!) and I hope you do too! Ciao!

exciting/new/unexpected life things! :)

soooo, it's been a while. but isn't that how i start off every post? ha. i'm really not made for this whole blogging thing and between being crazy busy at work and being too cheap to pay for internet at home...it's a bad combination. BUT, there are a few noteworthy things going on in our lives i want to record, even if it's only for me later.

1. ben's health is still a big issue, still a big source of stress and frustration, but we've been paying out of pocket to see doctors in indianapolis because UK has been less than wonderful. it's proving to be a good experience and i'm told that within the next year or so, i should have my incredible, loving husband back to sound health. PTL for that!
2. ben and i have been (at the advice of my pastor's wife) praying together twice a day everyday. that may not seem like much, but take into account the hardship we've been through and how it took a huge toll on us spiritually both as individuals and a couple, and i'd say we're making good progress. it's amazing how prayer can dissipate your anger and bitterness and turn it into love and compassion for one another.
3. because of ben's debilitating illness, he was unable to finish his semester at asbury. we've decided some time off is a good thing and he won't be returning to asbury when and if he decides to resume his studies.
4. because of point #3, we have nothing holding us in kentucky. family support and being surrounded by friends is always the better option...so we're moving back to indiana!!!
5. we recently put a deposit down on an apartment in carmel and we're to move in in september! :)
6. i'm still applying for jobs, but today while i was sleeping (i worked last night and am currently working), a recruiter from IU Health called and wants to set up an interview. it is a complete answer to prayer because they have over 20,000 applicants/month and i was told it might be 30 days before they even process my application. it's been 12! yay!

so, that's ben  and stacey news, but we also recently spent time in indiana hanging out with my family, celebrating my sister's bday, celebrating my fil's bday, etc. it was a great time of relaxation and lots of laughter. i still have the most amazing niece and nephew and incredible dog in the whole world. ha.

tonight i am counting my blessings and prasising the Lord for giving me the strength to endure these last 12 months...it is by Him alone that i even take my next breath and it is from Him alone that we beg for mercy and grace each and every day. all glory and honor to You, Father.

do not fear.

i wish i had the cure for worry. i've slept approximately 6 hours in the last 48 and here i am wide awake with so much on my mind. i hate to be vague (and my last post was uncharacteristically transparent), but it just makes me cringe sometimes when i read things on facebook, etc. that are better left to yourself. i wish i had better news to report since i wrote that post on february 9th, but the truth is things have only gotten harder. for the last few weeks i thought things were looking up... it was as if i could feel the prayers being lifted on ben and i's behalf and i had hope for the first time in months. but for some reason this past week, we took 1 step forward and 10 back. i think i posted back in december about ben's health issues and wishing we had answers...there are still no answers and we are becoming desperate both as individuals and as a couple. 

i wish that i could post something really happy and uplifting like the blogs of those i read. i would love to post about something crafty i'm doing or about the really fun weekend we had or even about the new, great recipe we tried. but the truth is, our life has become debilitated by what's going on and i have nothing but piles of laundry, dishes, and layers of dust building up in my house and this blog to share my feelings with. not exactly the greatest writing material. those things just haven't been the priority. oh, and if you're reading this and wondering where your wedding thank-you is...most have been written since october, but that too has just not been the priority. it's amazing the things that don't seem important anymore...hence the reason i haven't had a shower in three days. ha.

i was reading lamentations 3 to ben last night before he fell asleep and i just couldn't help but feel like i might have written it myself. the writer feels abandoned, alone, like his prayers are not being heard...but deep down inside somewhere, recognizes God's goodness and he hopes again. i just want to be able to hope again...to not be afraid to pray for blessing and only be met with disappointment and heartache. i'll leave you with some of the verses that resonate with me, but if you're reading this and you're a praying person, please pray. we're in the middle of the fire. (and i'm pretty sure i just became that post that makes me cringe sometimes. oh well. life is messy.)

lam. 3 

 ⁷ He has walled me in, and I cannot escape.
      He has bound me in heavy chains.
 ⁸ And though I cry and shout,
      he has shut out my prayers.

¹¹ He has dragged me off the path and torn me in pieces,
      leaving me helpless and devastated.

 ¹⁵ He has filled me with bitterness
      and given me a bitter cup of sorrow to drink.

  ¹⁷ Peace has been stripped away,
      and I have forgotten what prosperity is.
 ¹⁸ I cry out, “My splendor is gone!
      Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost!”

 ¹⁹ The thought of my suffering and homelessness
      is bitter beyond words.
 ²⁰ I will never forget this awful time,
      as I grieve over my loss.
 ²¹ Yet I still dare to hope
      when I remember this:

 ²² The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
      His mercies never cease.
 ²³ Great is his faithfulness;
      his mercies begin afresh each morning.
 ²⁴ I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
      therefore, I will hope in him!”

 ²⁵ The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
      to those who search for him.
 ²⁶ So it is good to wait quietly
      for salvation from the Lord.

 ³¹ For no one is abandoned
      by the Lord forever.
 ³² Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
      because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
 ³³ For he does not enjoy hurting people
      or causing them sorrow.

⁵⁵ ...I called on your name, Lord,
      from deep within the pit.
 ⁵⁶ You heard me when I cried, “Listen to my pleading!
      Hear my cry for help!”
 ⁵⁷ Yes, you came when I called;
      you told me, “Do not fear.”

it's okay to just be sad sometimes, right? because today i'm sad. just so, so sad. i've been sad most days in recent months it seems...and it's getting harder and harder to truly believe that God sees my situation and cares. but i know that i know that i know that God is good, that He is faithful, that He has seen me through a lot of tough situations in life. sometimes i lay in bed at night and wonder if everything difficult i went through growing up was preparation for this most difficult time. had i not been made strong, not learned to believe that there is light at the end of tunnels, i'm sure i would have broken down long before now. but God, here i am in my brokenness...i'm wholly surrendered to You. please see me through my darkest hour and help me know You are near. give me strength because i have none and help me to believe that You are enough. i want for You to be enough.