what a great day today...i amaze myself sometimes at how easily entertained i am. ha. i got good sleep last night (thanks to my muscle relaxer! the fibro has been acting up lately...) and was so productive! i hung around in my pj's until 3:15 this afternoon, finally showered, and then headed off to the student center to study with tiff. i finished all three of my papers today!!! YAY! that means i only have to study for my med/surg test tomorrow. i could not be more thrilled! spending time with her was maybe not as productive as it could have been, but i just love the time we have together. tiff might be one of the most amazing people i have ever met and i am so fortunate to call her my friend. it only makes me sad that we don't see each other as much as i would like. i'm impressed by her maturity, insight, modesty, and love for Jesus. i learn so much from that girl and hope to forever call her my friend.
after my last post on thursday night, i did a bit of reading (sex god by rob bell--good read) and went to bed. i was so encouraged and joyful as i fell asleep, but possibly had one of the worst nights of sleep in a long time. i experienced terrible dreams, was never able to fall into a deep sleep, and woke up feeling completely discouraged. i am not entirely sure it's possible for satan to send someone dreams, but the ones i was having left me feeling spiritually attacked. i hopped out of bed and immediately went to turn on some third day worship music...i just needed to be surrounded by Jesus. i blared it in my bedroom at 8 am (i'm sure my suitemates love me!) and then in the bathroom as i showered and got ready that morning. i was able to shake it eventually, but was really glad that God allowed me to recognize the attack and then delivered me from it as i prayed. i very likely could have spent the whole day in a funk and moody just because of some horrible dreams. i just kept saying, "i am more than a conqueror, i am more than a conqueror..." and made satan get behind me. there is certainly power in the name of Christ! :)

well, now i'm on-duty and off to watch enchanted with bethany and tiff...just wanted to give a quick update!

three beautiful things:
-catching up with friends!
-being productive!
-sleeping in!

thankful.

goodness, i am thankful. i serve one amazing God and He loves me. it is not as if something miraculous has happened or that i'm on a mountaintop...i'm just realizing more and more everyday how much credit i cannot take for the place He has brought me to. i am lost. i wander a lot. i am broken and messy and ugly from the inside out. but He loves me and He called me and justified me and provides for my every need. because of that, i have joy. i am humbled as i stare into His magnificence.

we celebrated easter this past weekend-- i traveled home to speak at church about india. wow. i was nervous, but kept praying philippians 4 in my head over and over and over again. the response was more than i could have imagined. i don't have anyone knocking on my door offering to fund my trip or people knocking me down to hear all about it, but that wasn't the point in speaking. when i returned to school some said, "so financially?" i have $10 from a latino man at church that i've never seen (which brought me to tears) to go toward the $2750 it will cost. other than that, i'm at a loss. but i am resting in His presence and am simply thankful that He led me to share so that i know this trip is covered in prayer. it's a victory for me that i can honestly say i'm at a point in my life where the prayer is more important to me. it's a victory that i can say i have been freed from the fears and doubts that not having the money created. God is big and sovereign and $2750 is nothing to Him. i'm just so thankful that i have a peace about the ministry He has laid upon my heart and that in that peace there is knowledge that He will bless it and open my eyes to see His Kingdom here on earth.

i'm holding on...

I feel broken today. I felt broken yesterday. In fact, I've felt broken this whole stinking week. Housing brings out the ugliest in people. We'll leave it at that. But now that I've done the damage, I've dealt the blows, I've unnecessarily taken responsibility for things that I cannot control, it's over. I may have severed a few friendships along the way...In fact, I'm fairly sure I did, but time heals all wounds. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling guilty all the time and I'm tired of letting that guilt run my life. I lost my way for a while, but I had not forgotten my way back home. I'm simply getting there now.

three beautiful things:
1. sunshine
2. flip-flops
3. 81-year old Latino women :)

The broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what, you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say
You said that I will, will be okay
The broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
But I haven't forgotten my way home

today was hard...and beautiful.

i'm finally figuring out what i want in life. er, i guess it's more that i'm learning to be true to myself and am attempting to stop making decisions based upon what everyone else wants for me. today i had to put it in practice and to be honest, it wasn't a whole lot of fun. i was emotional all day long. it's 12:45 am, i'm still thinking about it, fighting feelings of false guilt, and have to begin studying for my med/surg. test that i have at 10 am. fun fun fun. other things were just more important today. obviously. i can elaborate more later, but i feel at peace with my life right now. i have some really difficult conversations and decisions coming up in the next few weeks, but my God has given me strength thus far. He shall continue...

three beautiful things:
1. learning how to be confrontational
2. seeking Truth
3. having an amazing roommate that i can be totally and utterly, shockingly and terrifyingly honest with. susan is one amazing chica.