iloveyou.

one year ago yesterday, ben and i said some very scary and vulnerable words to each other for the first time.

"i love you."

i thought i was crazy about him then, but every day gets better and better.

can't wait to spend my life loving him more.

homesick.

i'm homesick.

lexington is a great place, ben is incredible and supportive...we're making a life for ourselves here.

but i'm homesick. my mom and grandma just left to head back to crawfordsville and i wish i was hiding in their trunk.

i've never really suffered from this terrible sickness before, but here it is. i'm 23-years old and i miss my mommy and daddy.

maybe God will allow us to move closer to home in a few years when ben is finished with school. i think i would really like that...

rewarding myself.

jillian michael's kicked my butt this evening during my first workout in 6 months, so now i'm sitting on the couch eating m&m's... :)

update.

well, the holiday hustle and bustle is over and i'm thankful to say that it went smoothly, despite all the traveling and working over christmas, etc. i really enjoyed my time at home and also with ben's family and even though it felt too short, it was worth all the hours in the car. AND, i loved every single one of my christmas gifts and didn't have to return a single thing. yes! everything fit, nothing was duplicated, and everything was exactly what i would have picked for myself. i should probably start writing some thank you notes...especially since it's my day off and i'm stuck in ben's apartment without a car. (he has mine at school until 5 pm...his tire went flat late last night and won't hold air. bummer.)

stella is currently pacing and jillian michael's and i have a workout date if i can force myself to get up off the couch. ugh...it's amazing that i haven't worked out in 6 months (terrible, i know) and yet i still can't make myself motivated to move. good news is, i haven't gained any weight even for my lack of movement and eating more along the lines of ben's diet. no wedding diet for me! :) but, i suppose i do want toned arms in my dress and if i'll be seeing a bathing suit on our honeymoon, i'll probably need to be having regular dates with jillian for the next 5.5 months. ha.

speaking of wedding things though, i really need to get moving! i had a terrible dream last night that it was june 25th and the bridesmaid dresses weren't ordered and i had no one to do the girls' hair! all of ben's responsibilities were taken care of, but none of mine were. i woke up in a panic and then realized it's still january 8th! whew. we finalized a guest list yesterday and it looks to be right on target for our venue size. yay! now it's time to gather addresses and mail save-the-dates...i'm not exactly looking forward to addressing 100-something envelopes, but we'll make it.

i'm also praying about some big life changes right now that i ask you to be praying with me about it if you're reading this...i truly want to set aside all my feelings about the situation and allow God to lead me in the right direction. and, if He chooses not to take me where i desire, i'm praying for a right spirit no matter the outcome. i entirely want to fight against that last statement, but i have to trust that God knows best and as ben told me, that "He has my back." hopefully i'll have another update about that situation soon.

until next time,
stacey