i became overwhelmed tonight, more overwhelmed than i've been in a long time. no worries-- this isn't a "i'm-super-stressed-about-my-future, i-have-no-idea-what-is-going-on, i-have-WAY-too-much-to-do" kind of overwhelmed.

i became overwhelmed with the utter beauty of my Lord tonight. between crazy weeks filled with commitments and then the lovely sickness of this past week, i haven't been left with much of an opportunity to attend an actual service lately. i guess i hadn't realized how much my spirit had been longing for it. as i worshipped, singing words relaying my absolute poverty and need for Jesus, i felt the Lord ever-so-near.

every now and again, i am ashamed to admit, it hits me: He died for me. He sent His Son for me. Jesus suffered for me. what have I ever done to deserve such a sacrifice? nothing. and most of the time, i don't even convey my gratitude. it should never have to "hit" me that i possess the precious gift of salvation and all the anguish and tears and pain that went into offering it to me. in those moments, i see my dirtiness and brokenness again and am filled anew with humility and gratitude. my Jesus is absolutely beautiful.

thank You for reminding me of how You love me, Lord, and thank You for redemption. thank You for offering me the invaluable and precious, sacrificial and holy gift of salvation.

updates!

this could end up being fairly lengthy, so i'll try a numerical list of updates in semi-chronological order...

1. i'm in love with a boy and he's the absolute best thing that's ever happened to me (i could write a novel about ben...)
2. i was invited to join sigma theta tau international, a nursing honor society. $40 later, i'm now a member.
3. thatta passed away on february 20th (indiana time) and not a day goes by that i don't think about him. i find myself unwilling to discuss it very much though-- the hurt is overwhelming sometimes. i miss india, i miss him, i miss my children...more than i ever thought possible 8 months later. india continues to change my life.
4. ben and i traveled to florida together for spring break and even though we met some unexpected obstacles and the weather wasn't great, we had a wonderful time.
5. on the way to florida, we stopped at asbury for ben's graduate school visit. he got accepted and will be attending asbury in august!
6. we also stopped in nashville for my job interview with vanderbilt university medical center. it went well, lasted an hour, and i don't find out the results until mid-april, but it's kind of a moot point now (see #11).
7. i've decided i hate getting up early. for two weeks, i wasn't able to sleep past 6:30 am and most mornings it was 5:00 or 5:30 am...those were a miserable and grouchy two weeks. ha.
8. i love my leadership and management clincal, even if i'm not a huge fan of the class. my preceptor is amazing and although i never would have considered a position in administration before, it's something i think i would eventually like to do.
9. i also love critical care and cannot wait to be a critical care nurse someday! between now and then though, God is going to have to toughen up this little heart of mine-- it breaks easily.
10. i was asked to be in katie and justin's wedding! i'm so excited and i just love those two. i have no doubt their marriage will be a blessing to everyone around them.
11. since ben will be right outside lexington for the next two years, i've decided i will be too! i'm starting to apply for jobs at the university of kentucky and hopefully will start my own graduate studies there in about a year-ish.
12. i'm going to register for NCLEX soon. kinda makes me want to die a little...ah!
13. i'm broke...more broke than i've been in years. i may be soliciting grandma for a loan. ha.
14. i'm now on my fourth day holed away in my room. the stomach flu started on friday, i thought i was getting better yesterday, and then it reared it's ugly head last night. ben took me to the ER because i was experiencing the worst pain of my entire life.
15. Dilaudid is now my friend. :)
16. i'm currently on Lortab for the pain, so if this entry seems strange, we'll blame it on that.

that might be close to all of it for now...i still have the cutest and most precious niece and nephew in the world and i'm still in love with a boy. life is good.