i love that oswald chambers.

As part of my devotions tonight, I read Chambers' "My Utmost for His Highest" and found one sentence to be extremely challenging and profound:

God’s revelation of Himself to me is influenced by my character, not by God’s character.

I encourage you to search online for the devotional thought yourself, but the jist of it centers around obedience. Chambers writes that his goal is "God Himself...At any cost, dear Lord, by any road", conceding that he is willing to do it God's way in order to reach that goal, fully obedient to whatever the Lord calls him to in order to know Him better. He goes on to say that "this work of obedience is the evidence that the nature of God is in me" and "the promises of God are of no value to us until, through obedience, we come to understand the nature of God."

Wow. It seems so elementary to realize that my outward actions of obedience reflect the Spirit that lives inside me, but that's exactly what happened tonight. I often like to believe (falsely) that my spiritual growth and maturation has more to do with what the Lord desires and chooses to do in my life rather than any sort of responsibility on my own part; if I just wait around long enough, God will supernaturally pop in and out, transforming as He sees fit. Therefore, it was hard to swallow Chambers' words that "God's revelation of Himself to me is influenced by my character, not by God's character." Essentially, the more proficient in obedience I become, the more I demonstrate faithfulness in the small things, the more God will reveal Himself to me. Again, elementary? Probably. Something I knew before? Most likely. Beneficial to hear it a different way? Definitely. Thanks, Oswald. I suppose the ball is in my court.

In other news, Southland is getting ready to finish up a sermon series called "Dirty Laundry" dealing with the issue of sin. Ben and I missed last week because we were out of town, but the church has made a website (www.clotheslineconfessions.com) where people can "air" their dirty laundry. It's completely anonymous and the website will be taken down after the completion of the series as a way to symbolically demonstrate the forgiveness of the sins confessed. I have to admit that I live a life that is far from perfect, but I have been shocked by many of the things posted. The Church is most definitely full of hurting and broken people...I know many look in from the outside and proclaim that we're all just a bunch of hypocrites, but what better place for hurting and broken people to go than church?

As I waded through many of the confessions though, my heart was just burdened. Almost every entry chronicles the emptiness and shame sin leaves in its wake, but almost every entry also touches on the chronic nature of that sin. What is it about us as humans that compels us to continually return to methods we know don't work? To lifestyles that leave us more messed up than we were before? As a dog returns to its vomit... What was more amazing to me as I was reading though, more than the inherent sinful nature bent on self-destruction, more than the lack of obedience to God, self-control, etc. was the realization that I serve a God that loves every single one of us despicable hypocrites and sinners fully, and that one day, He's going to make it right again and restore us. I love that promise. I'm clinging to it tonight.

And if you're looking for a whole bunch of people to add to your prayers, check out the website.

love your neighbors.

taking stella out to potty is not my favorite task and i know it will only get worse as the cold winter months come our way...but i have to admit it's a bit exciting when we walk out the front door of ben's apartment because we never know if the skittish, wandering kitty will be napping behind the nearby bush. stella particularly enjoys pursuing the cat, dragging me along by her leash.

upon my arrival from work a few nights ago, ben says, "i may or may not have set some milk out for a cat that may or may not exist." great. i enjoy watching stella take off after the cat while ben encourages it's stay.

fast forward to last night's humorous conversation.
ben (after taking stella out): "the kitty drank all the milk."
me: "yeah, i saw the empty bowl."
ben: "i'm going to go feed our cat again."
me: "ben..."
ben: "well what's the poor cat going to do during the winter?! it's going to starve to death!"
me (feeling a bit of compassion): "are you planning on making this cat ours?"
ben (as i hear the refrigerator door creak open): "no..."
me: what kind of milk are you giving her? (skim and whole are both in the fridge.)
ben: whole! straight from the teat!
me: ahahahahaha.

i love that man. i may not be very fond of the cat that may soon become ours, but i do adore that man. i suppose i have a few more things to learn about what it really means to "love your neighbor"... :)