So much for a habit, huh? :)

Well, I'm gonna be honest...I forgot my password and username there for a while and well, nursing school was keeping me busy. It's going to be another hectic semester, but hopefully I'll be doing a much better job prioritizing--we'll keep our fingers crossed! :)

I wanted to start journaling again because I miss knowing what's going on in my life. I miss being able to recognize what God has brought me from (lots). I really wish I would have been keeping track of all the things God taught me this past semester because it was certainly a transformation. I started counseling in October and it was the absolute best decision I could ever have made for myself. God has started the healing process in my life and for that I am thankful. It was finally time to just let it all go and it was amazing the work God did in my life and in my relationships once I finally relinquished control. (Well, that's still a day-to-day thing, but it's getting much better.) I understand myself MUCH better and have the desire to continue to go...There are a few areas of my life where I have pent up a lot of shame--Scott says we're focusing on those this semester. I'm thrilled. Ha. It's almost enough to scare me out of returning. In fact, every night before I go the next day I tell my roommate I'm not going...After I walk out of the office the following morning, I am always thrilled I went. God is good.

Another reason I wanted to start writing again was to put down in words my thoughts about where God is taking me: India. It would be a six-week trip this summer, working in orphanages, and getting nursing experience. I never once thought that the trip would actually be approved by my professor and when I prayed about it I simply said to God, "If you open this door, I'm walking through it." So guess what? I'm now walking through it. I'm freaking out a bit...Thinking about the cost and thinking about the money I'll be losing while I'm not working, and thinking about not being able to get a nursing job this summer all really scares me. Today during chapel, however, I felt a distinct call upon my life to enter missions. It has been something that I have thought about for years, but I always wondered, "God, is this about me? Am I seeking my own glory? How do I know this desire comes from You?" Today, I felt Him speak to my heart and knew with confidence that this isn't about me anymore, if it ever was. I began to cry, simply desiring to be in India right this second with all those precious children that need me. God broke my heart for people I've never even met and confirmed to me that missions will be a part of my life after college. That's terrifying to be honest, but also exciting at the same time. I want to do and be something BIG for Him. I want to turn the world upside down. I want to live my life radically.

Here I am, Lord. Send me.