overwhelmed by goodness.

more than any other time in my life, i feel as if God has been showing me His goodness over and over and over again. many of you reading know me well and know that my life was not always this way. it has been a long process to get to this place, but the journey has been so worth it. i say that today with such conviction and the knowledge that Jesus has always had my best interest at heart.

last week the Lord laid it on my heart to write a letter to a friend...i feel He does this often and most of the time i simply ignore it. way to be obedient, right? well, i answered His call with a "yes" this time and poured out my heart, hoping that the words written would be received as encouragement and nothing short of that. (he should be getting it today, so we'll see...) i shared the goodness of my Lord and the fullness, the joy, the freedom, and the peace that now permeate my very being. i wanted to extend that same Truth to him, but after writing it said to myself, "do i truly believe that? do i live my life in such a way that i convey this joy and freedom?" it was challenging. and i have been pondering it since.

monday was not a great day for me and that is putting it mildly. it was hard for me to live a fully redeemed life as i was bogged down by symptoms of the disease that plagues me. i said, "Jesus, i don't know that i can do this for 50 more years." i don't share my pain with others most of the time, as it makes me feel like a complainer and a big baby. it makes me vulnerable and needy. i hate it. but it had gotten to the point that i couldn't hide the despair i was experiencing. a friend of mine said to me, "you're ridiculous...you're not complaining. you don't have to prove you're tough; i already know you are." i felt so much freedom in that moment, knowing that with certain people in my life, i don't have to pretend to be tough. my pain makes me miserable sometimes and that's a fact, but it's not something i always have to keep to myself. i woke the yesterday morning with a note from this same friend, encouraging me to use my hardship to "personify and epitomize Christ's redemptive work" in my life. what a challenge, but it was exactly the perspective change i needed.

i realized then that God divinely provides for me in every moment. He brings people into my life in the moments i need them most. He opens my eyes to the beauty of His creation during times when i feel discouraged about the mess we've made of this world. He provides me moments of rest when i feel as if i'm at a breaking point. He is amazing.

last night's Bible study and this morning's chapel blessed me so much. my suite is studying romans and last night i was so challenged to make some changes in my life...this week i'm focusing on two specific areas: gossip and pride. i don't expect that they'll be solved by the end of this week (although that would be nice!), but being conscientious about my actions and intentional with the words i speak is so key. at the end of my life i would love for others to be able to look back on my life and say, "you know, stace always refused to talk about people and served them with such humility." not a bad goal, right? :) we spent some great time in prayer last night, asking God to renew our spirits and fill us with joy overflowing. we spent our last 5-10 minutes together calling out the attributes of God that we are so thankful for...He is my Redeemer, my Provider, and He declares me righteous. it's so easy to become focused on all the negative, so choosing to see the positive was so healthy for me last night. i went to bed with a sense of contentment i hadn't known in a while.

i felt so silly with love and joy during chapel this morning that i thought my heart might burst with it. i listened to a song over and over again this morning as i was getting ready and when they began to play it during chapel, tears filled my eyes. Jesus is romancing me and i couldn't be more thankful. i wish there were more ways to put it, but all i really know is Jesus is so good.

i hope this encourages you as much as it does me.

The precious blood of Jesus Christ redeems,
Forgiven I’m alive, restored, set free.
Your majesty resides inside of me,
forever I believe. Forever I believe.
Arrested by your truth and righteousness,
your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness.
Convicted by your Spirit, led by your Word.
Your love will never fail.
Your love will never fail.
‘Cause I know you gave the world your only Son for us to
know your name, to live within the Savior's love and He took my place,
knowing He’d be crucified and you loved.. you loved, a people undeserving!