never ceased to be amazed...

i feel so silly every time i sit down to write you all, knowing that i left a disclaimer the post before because i never know if i will be able to update. well, God came through again. on our way to the leprosy home yesterday, we passed by an internet cafe within walking distance from our quarters. after i returned home from duty at the medical mission, we made our way here. it is by far the slowest internet i have experienced yet, but all my frustration and squinting is worth being able to share! :)

in case you are a little confused, elizabeth, jessica, and i are in neyyoor right now and have been since tuesday. we will be picked up at 7:15 sunday morning to go to sutheban's (an Indian board member) church where liz will preach, we will do a special song during the service, i will pray a dedication blessing for a new baby, we will lead Bible stories and songs for the Sunday school children, and then help lead a women's fellowship meeting that evening. i am SO overwhelmed and feel very out of my element! i am not a christian ministries major!!! ha. i am also leading chapel for nurses in the morning and uncomfortable with it, but trying to look at it as another opportunity to grow. God calls us all to minister, right? :) anyway, my experiences at the hospital have been...interesting. the first night we all wanted to call Johnson and tell him to let us come back to the orphanage! we were miserable. liz and jess are not big fans of hospitals anyway and this one looks like it came right out of a movie! i'm not kidding-- it's like 1960 nursing and older in many aspects. they have so many needs and look to me as an "American nurse" as if i can save them from their terrible financial situation. nurses here make about $100/month. the anesthesiologist i worked with made $250. the cataract surgery i watched cost $50 and the sigmoid colon cancer excision with anastomes was $375. unreal. i have hardly touched patients (i held a screaming mother's hand during labor-- no epidural and hardly any pain medication-- and helped examine cancer patients today), but have seen SO much and am shocked everyday. where do i even begin? they pray before surgeries that God would remove the bacteria from the air and prevent infection because there is no laminar air flow or even air conditioning! it was 85 degrees as the surgeon sliced open the man's abdomen and i about passed out from the heat. the OR door is open to outside air and nurses ran in and out about 100 times during a 2-hr. procedure. afterward, they wheeled him outside to a different ward in the compound. the best part was that the power went out in the middle of surgery as his intestines were resting nicely on his belly. don't worry, it was only three minutes before the back-up generator came on and besides, he had manual ventilation and anesthesia so the power outage didn't suffocate him. AH! i was having a heart attack watching. did i mention they wear flip-flops all the time, even in surgery?! they said they are "very careful," but sometimes vomit or blood gets on their feet. they just go wash it off. they know who has HIV and hep. B anyway, so no worries. i have so many more instances than these, but you all get the picture. be thankful for american healthcare!!! it doesn't matter that it costs an arm and a leg-- be thankful! be thankful that doctors do not treat our cancer patients with radiation machines from 50 years ago! be thankful that they have morphine and epidurals! i will never again complain about bad bedside manner or discomfort in hospitals. these patients all share one room and sleep on metal gurneys, are wheeled in metal wheelchairs, etc. it is unreal and i really wish i could have taken my camera to get some photos. i met with the medical superintendant this afternoon and she shared stories with me about God's miraculous healings in the hospitals, as that is their only resource at times. she is a phenomenal woman and has asked for our help as we travel back to the states. even equipment that is 10 or 15, even 20 years old would be of help here in this place. if they do not update their machinery soon, i fear that the medical mission started by missionaries in 1838 will be gone. they stand for God in a country shrouded in darkness. being their advocate when i return is a task i am more than happy to undertake. so...if you're reading and God is prompting, please pray for this hospital and the doctors here. they are brilliant, but they have little to work with. so please remember them!

(disclaimer: i am now picking up where i left off yesterday when the power cut out here, so there is a slight time change-- chapel went very well this morning. i praise Him for that and for finishing my time at the hospital well. we visited the children's polio home today. they were charming.)

so, what else has been going on in the last week? well, before we came to neyyoor tuesday evening, we had many heartwarming moments with johnson. he is quite a special man. our difficult conversations that we had to have at the home went over incredibly well, thanks to many prayers from all of you i know. so thank you for that. in all my life, i have never seen so many answered prayers in such a short period of time. i absolutely love it. although this last week at the hospital was challenging and uncomfortable in many ways, we always had the comfort of our God. He is oftentimes the only One i share my thoughts and feelings with; sometimes that is a result of being unable to vocalize them, but other times it is simply because He has become my very best friend. i mean, we were close before, but i have never had to rely upon Him the way that i have these last three and a half weeks. i always had all of you to turn to. i have elizabeth and jessica and i have been so thankful for how God has bonded us together, but really, He has become more vital and special to me in my time here than He ever has before in my life. i thank Him that i know He is using our time here in India not only to point others to Him, but also to draw ourselves closer to Him as well. i like double blessings! :) one of our funnier moments with johnson this week was after we returned one evening. we were standing in the doorway talking to helan and he could not see us. we heard our phone begin to ring and when we ran to get it, it was him calling from across the hall! he said, "well, you were standing in the doorway and i couldn't see you." we thought that was hysterical and so touching. we went to puthievan's (an Indian board member) church on sunday and shared a special song with 500 of them while johnson preached. afterwards we taught the children songs in english and they seemed to enjoy it greatly. one great lesson i learned while there reminded me of the woman in mark 12. she came and gave her all, even though it was nothing in comparison to the rich man. but he had only given a portion. as we sat in the service, unable to understand any tamil, we noticed the offering table close in front of us. underneath it was food given as offerings...mangoes, coconuts, etc. off to the side was one egg someone left. one single egg. in america, that gift would surely be scoffed at, but it was all this person had and they wanted God to have their best, even though in the eyes of the world, it wasn't much. we have no idea what it is like to only have one egg in life, but to give it anyway. i was blown away by this selfless act of sacrifice and seeing it under the table that day is a picture i will never forget. i pray for a heart like the one that offered the egg, a heart that trusts Him fully to provide for me. it's all His anyway. it has taken me a long time to get to this place, but now more than ever i am beginning to understand that absolutely nothing i have in life has had to do with anything i have contributed. like the giver i saw sunday morning, i want to give my all.

dhivya, an 18-year old nursing student at the home, gave us henna tattoos on our hands sunday evening as well. i took pictures of it as it is now fading, but wow! she is incredibly talented. before it was my turn, i played hand slapping games with the children and little Abirami sat on my lap and just giggled. she was making funny faces and tickling me back! i got four kisses from her that day and it's safe to say that if kidnapping were legal, we would have a new citizen of the united states in three weeks! ha. she does have a little brother at the home now though- he arrived that afternoon and is an exact replica of her. they have three cousins there as well and all are grandchildren of the home cook. it is hard to picture, as the cook has seemlingly had a very hard life. her teeth are orange and she is extremely rough around the edges. when we wore our saris the other day, she asked for a picture with us. when i stood beside her, it took a lot within me to wrap around her and not cringe, i am ashamed to say. i prayed for His love though and it was as if i was able to instantly see her worth through His filter. the children love her and she does great work there with a servant's heart. God allowed me to appreciate that about her and i have grown to love her too. my experience with her that evening really helped me recognize my need to pray for His eyes as i was preparing to leave for the hospital. it put a lot of fear in me that when everything inside me revolted at the sight of patients, i would be unable to love them and show them Him. but again, He answered those prayers and was faithful. i never once felt like cringing in their presence and that is DEFINITELY nothing of me.

oh, i have so much more to share, but our driver just arrived to pick us up! next time i will be a better steward of my time. promise! keep praying. i love you all and am so thankful!