safe and sound in india!

for those of you who may have been waiting for a word from me, i have arrived and am safe and sound in india! i am currently sitting in an internet cafe in a nearby village (we took a very terrifying 15 minute drive here-- the traffic is madness!) because i do not have the internet at the orphanage as previously hoped. we are expecting to make a trip to the cafe once a week to catch up on email and update everyone from home. mom and dad, i am also planning on calling about once a week, so hopefully you'll be able to hear my voice soon-- i miss you both a lot. i also must be careful with the words i use in my post, as Hindu extremists monitor every word being posted here. forgive me if i am vague at times. it is only to protect the other girls and myself as well as the children and staff at the home.

i suppose i'm totally overwhelmed and don't even know where to begin. i have had 4 ays in the country and our interpreter finally arrived today. we believe it was His protection, as we sort of needed a "soft landing" for the first few days as we acclimated ourselves to the many new things and recovered from jet lag. at home it is currently 9:45 in the morning while the sun has almost gone down here. it's strange, but i'm learning not to think indiana time anymore. so we arrived thursday afternoon, exhausted, and since then have been doing a lot of planning and "being honored." when eric told us that the people here would treat us better than any husband we'll ever have, i'm afraid he was right. adjusting to their culture and allowing them to get used to the idea of us as "servants" has been hard. they want to feed us constantly and make sure we are always comfortable, even bringing in pizza (although it was the HOTTEST pizza i have ever had in my life!) for last night's dinner. that was a special treat i must say b/c i have been eating a lot of rice, chapatis, soup that resembles potato, this crazy red cauliflower, fish with scales (creepy!), chicken cut every which way, and tea everyday twice a day. the heat makes me feel full constantly, so they worry we're not eating enough. they eat more in one setting than i could possibly eat in a day! the kids' appetites are quite impressive. the staff serves us different food though b/c theirs is too hot for us and we sit at a special table while they all sit indian style on the floor. after the first two meals, i learned to use my "natural" spoon...my right hand. ha. it's been interesting to say the least, but they show me a lot of grace. the weather hasn't been too horrible, but i do take a shower in the morning and at night before bed. i simply cannot go to bed and sleep that sticky. the showers are cold which isn't normally a problem, but one night we ran out of water. thankfully i had already washed off the soap when it happened. i do have a friend that hangs out in our bathroom all day though...we found him in the toilet to begin with and then he hopped up the wall. a friendly frog has been our companion up until this afternoon when we finally caught him and set him free out in the yard. hopefully a cobra ate him. ( sorry, mom, but they do have those here! they killed one last week, but i haven't seen one yet and hope to never see one!) we have encountered many creatures we are not accustomed to, including salamanders in our apartment, spiders everywhere including the toilet (i got bit in my sleep last night by something--spider probably.), preying mantis, giant stickbugs, and scorpions. i killed one in our room the first night. we scream a lot, which usually brings our kind neighbor helen over to make sure we're not dying. we've tried to tone it down lately for her sake. but besides the time change, the spicy food, the creatures, and the hot weather, everything is just like indiana! hahaha. i actually don't think i've found one thing that is like indiana yet. i'm learning so much though and think you all will be proud of how tough i have become when i return to the states.

as far as the children are concerned, they are amazing. we don't have much interaction with the boys, but there are 72 girls ranging in age from 6-18. the 6-year olds look like they could be two or three though, so it's hardly comparable to the states. our first visit with them, they were very timid, but would gather around us in large groups. i could tell they wanted to touch and hug us, but weren't sure if it was okay. the next day was a complete 180. they grabbed me, dragged me over to some chairs, and then all sat around us as we sang songs in english to them. we did the hokey pokey and played other games and they were so sweet, calling us "alagu," which means beautiful. many times they would put their hand in mine and say, "white pretty, black bad." my heart hurt then, realizing that they all wish they were white b/c it means privilege and a life different than their own. we attended service with them that evening and they were vying for the seats next to us. it was like they couldn't get enough of our attention. they truly are captivating though and i want to give them all my attention and love and affection. Their service was different though-- they sing a gajillion verses of a tamil song, say a very long petition on their knees with their hands together, and then the staff member leading it reads a chapter out of the "good book" and then they are done. it's very routine and formal and many of the kids can't make it through without falling asleep. part of what we are doing here is teaching creative ways to lead service in order to engage the children b/c there is no interaction at all. in indian culture, people don't think for themselves. the one in charge tells you what you think and that is that. they don't do discussion b/c they learn from hearing and then memorize it and then they are done. there is also a problem of intimacy between these indian individuals and the alpha and omega. we are beginning to break them up in small groups in order to disciple them and teach them how they can lift each other's needs to him. in the morning also, we are starting to teach english. they can read it very well, but do not understand the meaning of the words. they cannot hear our english very well b/c the pronunciation is COMPLETELY different. that has made it hard on both sides, but they have never had an actual U.S. citizen to talk to. they also are very afraid to speak it b/c in their culture, they are told "if you can't speak it correctly, don't say anything at all." getting their cooperation has been frustrating and challenging. we are going to begin tutoring the children during their study time in the evening as well, hoping to help them improve their english too. then at 8:30 pm, we will go to the service to watch the staff lead a more engaging study that we helped them prepare during the afternoon. we're here to help them help themselves, not to come in and change everything. i came with very high hopes and i hope not to disappoint anyone at home when i say that i am not sure we will accomplish everything we planned. but the One knows what our real purpose here is and so we're being flexible according to His leading. change is very hard for the people here when they have had generations and generations of tradition, but if we walk away having only taught the staff how to be intimate with one another, sharing petitions and concerns with one another, and ultimately with Him, that will be a huge help. we're hoping to start something that they will carry on after we are gone and eventually that they will teach the children.

so many things have broken my heart since i've been gone though...we drove through the villages and seeing temples and pictures of various idols everywhere was hard. in fact, there is a light up idol in the booth i am sitting in this very second. it permeates indian life. when i saw the old woman walking completely bent over in the dirt road, my heart broke. when i saw people wearing no shoes, carrying water on their heads (which i am sure was completely unsafe) to their shacks, my heart broke. when i see the children in the same outfit every other day, my heart breaks. when i watch their faces as i go to hang my own 5 clothing items on the line after laundry, my heart breaks b/c i know it is more than they have ever possessed at one time. when i see a child show up to the orphanage when only a plastic sack half full of everything they own in the world, my heart hurts. when i watched a grandmother raise a stick to beat her grandchild, my heart broke. i know it is only the beginning of a long road where He will show me the plight of His lost and destitute people and to be honest, i am burdened at the thought of knowing i don't even have a clue yet. please be praying for the openness of the indian people and for our interactions together. please be praying for the financial needs of the home-- the cost of living has gotten so much more expensive and it is hard to feed all the children all the time. please be praying that despite our frustrations and fears, He would provide us with confidence and understanding of these people. we feel so inadequate and b/c the need is so great, it often overwhelms us. still, we know He goes before us and He will lead, if only we listen closely. i am great, i really am, and at this very moment i do not desire to be anywhere else.

5 weeks, friends. in 5 short weeks i will be heading home. thank you for your thoughts and petitions on our behalf. i know it gives us hope when we feel like we've hit a dead end. until next week, know that i am remembering you all by name and wishing you well. for those of you who read this, please relay my messages to my parents and grandparents and anyone else you feel won't see it. i love you all and will write again soon.